Tuesday, March 30, 2010

One Year Plus

I've spent the last month thinking a lot about how things have changed for me in the past year. The anniversary of my gastric-bypass surgery was February 2nd. I had wanted to post a wonderful retrospective of the year but every time I tried to write it, I couldn't come up with anything that felt worthy.

On my last trip to Chicago I saw something that made me realize how many small things have changed that I hadn't really internalized yet.

At the end of my trip, I returned my car to the rental agency, gathered my things and headed to the bus shelter. The driver kindly helped me load my luggage. I boarded a bus about three-quarters full and found a seat facing the door and the waiting shelter. There were about 4 single seats left at this point.

A gentleman of some size approached the bus. He poked his head in, scoped out the seating situation and backed away from the bus. The driver approached and offered to load his luggage, he declined and said he had forgotten something in his car and headed the other direction. He got as far as the other side of the shelter then stopped.

The driver then closed the doors and moved the bus away from the curb. I turned to watch as the gentleman then turned around and boarded the following bus.

It broke my heart. On so many levels. I recognize that behavior as a former extremely obese person. I see the frustration in having to scope out every situation to decide if your butt will fit and to decide if it's worth the embarrassment or not.

I've lost many of my "fat" habits but they are always lurking in the distance. I don't know if I will ever be entirely free of them, but it's nice to have them on the sidelines.

While I haven't lost as much weight as I had hoped I would be this point, I have to say that if I didn't lose another pound at this point I wouldn't feel like I had failed. Just maintaining what I have lost so far is a win as far as I'm concerned. I feel so much better and am treated far better by most people. I haven't been oinked out when I'm out walking for a good year. (I used to get jeered at or oinked at at least once a month before. I mean really, did they think I didn't know I was fat?)

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